Anger Management
Anger can leave people feeling hurt, insecure, stressed, and even powerless.
It doesn’t always appear as a quick outburst that can be verbal or physical. Sometimes, it builds up slowly, quietly within. It can gradually accumulate until even a small incident feels like it has crossed your tolerance threshold. When anger finally erupts, it can be confusing, overwhelming, and sometimes difficult to control.
Anger can be seen as an emotion that is bad. However, anger and it’s underlying emotions, are natural and normal feelings. By working through the complex feelings of anger, you can learn to uncover and address the triggers that lead to becoming angry, and with the help of your therapist, they can guide you in finding the strength to control and regulate your emotions.
Understanding Anger
Do you feel like you’re always on edge and about to explode? Does it feel like you constantly need to defend yourself? Do you find yourself losing control? Perhaps you become so overwhelmed, you lash out. You may be struggling with work pressures or relationship/family expectations or feel like you are constantly being questioned. You may believe you are being misunderstood or misheard, leaving a gap in communicating effectively which leads you to feeling angry. Maybe you get aggressive in your relationships with others and make risky decisions. There may be power struggles in your personal life that cause you to feel you aren’t doing enough. Perhaps you happened to displace those emotions by snapping at your children or spouse and later regretted it. It made you feel guilty, like you’re a bad person since you realised your behaviour was unwarranted in that situation.
There is a tendency to go completely blind to any logic in the heat of the moment, and the inability to see anything beyond the anger. It could lead to saying or doing something harmful to ourselves or others. It may feel like this anger is part of you, or your personality, leading you to believe that it is always external situations and other people causing you to be angry. While being triggered by external factors is a cause for intense feelings, consistent explosive anger, sometimes followed by immediate regret and confusion is usually a sign that a supressed feeling erupted in an unexpected situation.
Anger as an Emotion vs. a Symptom
Anger can manifest both as a primary emotion and as a symptom of deeper struggles.
Anger arising from situations where we face injustice, disrespect, or a boundary violation, appears as a primary emotion. It is a response of the body and mind to something that feels unsafe or unfair, which motivates us to act.
As a symptom, anger may arise because of tension between underlying feelings such as insecurity, anxiety, sadness, or depression along with the inability to express them. It can also be shaped by environmental stressors like feeling unheard, overwhelmed, or emotionally unsafe. Perhaps, anger was the only acceptable emotion to express in your childhood home, or you weren’t taught how to express any emotions at all. Many such reasons can lead you to believe that how you express your anger is a normal behaviour. It is also possible that it may have developed after a period of major stress or emotional change in one’s life.
Sometimes, we come across situations which we perceive to be unfair, where we feel unheard and misjudged. Other times, low self-esteem, regrets, negative self-talk can fuel these situations, making them feel like a personal attack, further intensifying our reactions. Over time, this can strain relationships both personal and professional, and cause stress to the body and mind.
Do you find yourself getting angry when overstimulated with too much noise or maybe snap at any major noise occurrence? Anger can also surface when we perceive psychological threats. A loud noise, like of a slamming door, or sudden disruption can activate the body’s fight-or-flight response. These moments may symbolise danger or trigger certain emotions that cause instability, leading to anger rising as a defence mechanism, mainly to protect one’s vulnerability or anxiety.
You are not alone in this. Anger is a natural emotion, but when it overwhelms your sense of judgement, and is a constant occurrence, it is often a sign you might be dealing with something deeper. Through therapy, you can learn to recognise your triggers, uncover underlying emotions, and find healthier ways to express yourself. Change is possible through understanding and healing!
Healing through therapy
Our Edmonton-based psychologists can help you learn tools and skills to regulate your nervous system again so that you can break free from seeing red. Together, we can identify the underlying reason behind the anger and work on ways to keep you grounded and secure. Your psychologist will walk alongside you in helping you to understand your primary emotions causing the anger behaviours, and support you in discovering healthy communication tactics to express wants and needs. If your anger and frustration are affecting your daily life, book a free consultation with us to talk about how we can help you take control of your life.
If you’re looking for support, send us a message for a free ten-minute consultation, or call us at (587) 400-0300 to book your appointment.
